365

I just tweeted one sentence, but then decided it needed a blog to fully express everything I'm feeling right now.

Exactly a year ago I wrote this blog about starting my first, full time, adult, benefited, real job. I had temped around the Seattle area for just over a year since graduating college and finally landed something solid and permanent. Being extremely blessed to have been offered 2 jobs at the same time, I felt I was being called to Safeway. So one year ago today, August 15th, I started working as a full time admin for the merchandising department for the Seattle division.

6 months later, things started to change. Around February I began to get an itch that I  didn't like the direction my life was headed. Researching jobs in England, dreaming of cross-country road trips... there were a lot of ideas floating around, but none actually plausible. Then this MFA program at DigiPen fell in my lap and everything else seemed... wrong. This blog post was written 3 months after that, when I decided to completely change my life (you can read about the whole process there). I had two paths my life could take - working at my current job for basically the rest of my life, or take a very sharp left turn and attempt to be an artist for a living. I'm guessing you know which one I took...

So here I am having a year at my back, and looking at only 7 more days in this office. Part of me is thrilled to get the new thing going, to step into the unknown, and get back into hardcore art production (not hardcore art, but the production being...whatever, you get it). However part of me is wondering if I did make the right decision. I really love the people I work with. Yes, the work itself isn't thrilling or stimulating or in an area I'm interested in the slightest - but it's really the people that matter, anyway. Am I foolish for ditching my solid, well paying job for a dump truck load of loans, and no promised job on the other side? Am I just chasing after a fantasy I've only ever dreamed about, but it may end up just being a fantasy with a huge price tag?

Although these fears tug at me in between waves of excitement, I have the confidence that God has guided me to this place, and He doesn't just shove us in a direction. How many times in the Bible does He say "I will never leave you nor forsake you"? (I don't actually know, but it's more than a handful.) I have the confidence that I am ditching comfort for a better path. It certainly isn't the easy path, but I have only to look at my family members to see that the easy path is not what we are called to. My brother has cancer and yet he is living in God's will, serving and ministering to others. My parents are uprooting their lives and moving to Colorado Springs (the same week I start school), and each step it has been abundantly clear that God is leading them there. How can I be scared of my uncertain future when I have perfect examples of God's faithfulness in front of my face?!

Yes, I still have a lot of things I need to sort out - personally and otherwise. But when the excitement recedes and the fear sets in, I have something I can cling to: Jesus and his faithful and gracious interest in my life.