Benjamin Michael Morrell - or "Boy-O" as I knew him

On May 9th, my brother passed away from his 6 year long battle with cancer. This past Saturday was his memorial service, which was a beautiful time to remember his life and see a sliver of the impact he had on people. The complete service stream will be up in a few days, so I'll update it if you want to watch it, but I'll post a few elements here today.

We had an opportunity to write something to be read at the service (not by me, that wouldn't have gone well), so I thought I'd post my section here.

I waited 26 years to finally get this kind of treatment...

Ben is only 4 years, 10 months, and 2 days older than me, but it wasn’t until recently that I realized that’s not very much. He has always been my BIG brother – so much older, having experienced so much before me.  He was the leader of our pack, and I shamelessly followed in his footsteps as much as I could. I took on his tastes in music when he drove me to school in junior high; I joined the same drama group in high school; and we went to my first of many comic conventions together my freshman year of college. Even in the last few months of his life we could discuss the intricacies of Doctor Who for hours (and we did).

When I finally caught up to adulthood, we became equals. We collaborated on an idea for a webcomic, which unfortunately was shelved when I headed to grad school. But instead of guilting me for abandoning the project, he encouraged me every step. Ben endlessly supported me as an artist, and I can confidently say that I wouldn’t be the artist I am today without his inspiration, ideas, and encouragement. 

Of all the brotherly memories I have of Ben, it’s really hard to pick one that sums him up. Once when I was in 6^th grade, the car broke down not far from school. I managed to catch a ride with someone, and an hour later he popped his head into my class to make sure I made it ok. When I was in high school, he checked in with me before he asked Lisa’s dad to marry her. He took me out of school early to stand in line to see the first Lord of the Rings. When I was in college, he wrote me a note that said he’d never threaten a boyfriend of mine because he trusted me. Once in the middle of the night we set up an inflatable polar bear on my parent’s lawn as a prank, only to find out my dad had already bought the same one.  And I can’t forget the motion sensored singing Christmas tree he set up to scare me on the stairs one night.

But behind these memories of the fun times, the trials God brought Ben through these past 6 years made him into a man with real, deep, unshakeable faith. Although I don’t wish those trials on anyone, I hope someday to see the world and Jesus the way Ben was able to – with a heavenly perspective, with much wisdom, and as always, with humor. 

I will miss you every day, Boy-O.

Here is the slideshow that was put together to show during the reception, with some of Ben's favorite songs. (Honestly, I haven't brought myself to watch it yet.)

UPDATE: Instead of writing something, Adam dedicated a song he had his Freshman band at Stadium Highschool play. Please enjoy my brother directing "Forever Holding Close the Memories" by Rchard L Saucedo.

I know Ben was always very honest on his blog about what was going on physically and how he was dealing with it. I'm not sure I've gotten to the point to be honest with myself yet, but I know I miss him. It comes in waves of realizing he's really gone, and that's not easy. I am grateful I have school to keep me busy (very busy...more on that next week), but I hope over time I'll be able to face things head on like he did. 

Thank you all for the love and kind words, but mostly thanks for the prayers over the plast few weeks. All the family and friends who were in town for this past weekend are now gone, so life soldiers on. The good news is God is good always, and His plan, no matter how strange it may seem to our tiny little eyes, is the best plan imaginable.